I'm Sorry

"'I'm sorry, Its all that I can say

You mean so much and I'd fix all that I done if I could start again.

I'll throw it all away to the shadows of regret

And you would have the best of me" --- Sum 41

I realized I don't love you, the day you said yes you loved me too' and it was then I loved you deeply and hated you strongly...

You know, I tried convincing you that, what I felt for you was my pure love for you and I swear, it was. Nevertheless, I didnt stop myself from trying to make you feel the same.. And finally, you realized you loved me too.. But, what hurted me the most is, this quote - 'a man love thru his heart, but Woman, thru her ears' - came true. You didnt realized your love all by urself, unless they bloomed your ears with the words that described my heart, which i was unable to express myself properly.. You know I'm a shy guy... Love happens, people said; but was that the love, you expressed? Your love made me question your mind. You started remembering your past, and put your today aside, drifting me further from you but then you told me you loved me too, and I could'nt withstand those numerous thoughts that haunted me.

The moment I came to know your love, happiness and sorrow struck me at the same time. I bet you could'nt even realize my sheepish smile, that moment.. Those awkward thoughts that ran through my mind, those convos we had, it still haunts me; it still makes me wonder wot love is..

From then, I, as a formality kept showing my love and affection to u.. Formality, in the sense that I was masking my confused mind and hurted heart with my love for you. It wasnt much of a formality but it wasnt much of my love either. I didnt have the power to tell u wot i felt inside. I smiled and pretended nothing was wrong... But, I was dying inside.. I never tried to make you sad.. But, believe me, I'm an honest man, I could'nt stand those lies, I was lying to myself. Lies! Lies! Lies everywhere and I cudnt stand it... And then we got broke.

Relationship apart....



Time passed by, Life went on....

After course of time, I realize that Love can be grown, Love is grown. Now, sometimes I think I did a great mistake by breaking our relationship apart. I couldnt realize that love grew on u.. I began questioning your love without realizing your past, without realizing what you felt; the love you grew for me.. The affection you planted for me and instead I cut ur plant all because of my ill-thoughts. Now, I wonder if I cud take it bak to the same old days and start over again.. I know I've hurted u and knowing I hurted u, that hurts me even more. Now that we've completely stopped ourselves from contacts, I wish if we can talk for a while, look into each others eyes and embrace each to show that we care. But, I cant. I fear. I don't have that courage to face you. Everytime I see u and u turn away, I see the mistake I made and believe me, Its just that tears do not flow buh inside my fragile heart is crying. I begin vizualizing the moments we had, those good old memories that I'll cherish all my life.. Now, I wish if we could get back together and start our happy life but even if things has changed, I just want to convey you that I'm sorry! I'm sorry for all that I've done.



Truthfully, I want to be with you, but I never will. *sigh* This hasn't affected my dating life, honestly. I'm still as active as ever, but when I'm at home, lying in bed, you are what I think about. Still..